Each year a list of the most attractive male private bankers in Switzerland is compiled by local news service, finews.com. For 2017, it has put forward a new batch of candidates. We do concede that it does include a fine bunch of men – belying the reputation of local bankers as the stodgy, grey gnomes of the Paradeplatz in Zurich.
Heading the finews ranking is Yves Robert-Charrue, the Julius Baer banker who is head of Europe. Said to be a contender for the chief executive crown when and if incumbent Boris Collardi ever gives it up, he undoubtedly boasts good looks – if you like your beefcake with a big side dish of roesti. Brian Fischer of Vontobel, Vincent Duhamet, who has just left Lombard Odier as chairman of Asia, and Urban Angehrn of Zurich Insurance are included in the Swiss ranking.
By gad, we feel London can easily rise to the challenge of Geneva and Zurich beefcake. Step forward the first entry for the Brits, for whom we have drawn together a jury composed of very discriminating ladies plus one gay man. The jury insists their identities must remain private, but in certain cases their private numbers have been given to us to pass on to certain of our winners, see below:
Andrew McIntyre of C Hoare. Our panel decided, “Rugged good looks and a very strong chin make a persuasive combination for this banker,” our jury thought. A prime choice for traditional ladies of a certain age.
Andrew Thompson, head of portfolio management for Kleinwort Hambros. Girls who like the cerebral male are known to have been quite overcome when Andrew explains Black-Scholes portfolio hedge risk management to them, over a candle-lit dinner.
Caspar Helmore, director with Stonehage Fleming Investment Management. Has broken hearts from Oxbridge to the City with his rather Edwardian good looks, our jury noted.
Generally, our jury doesn’t like IT types. But Chris Loake, chief digital information officer at C Hoare, has that clean-shaven appearance that frankly, jury members found irresistible, plus he has super-fast broadband.
Andrew Dawson Paul, Rathbones investment director. Ladies, never go Dutch for dinner. For Andrew, while a decent sort and darkly handsome, has been known to snarl, “Not a penny a share more...”, particularly if Smith & Williamson people are at the next table.
James Fraser, Tilney non-executive director. We are assured that handsome James is not related to David Duchovny, the Hollywood actor famed for his role as FBI Agent Fox Mulder in the The X-Files. So will S&W open up all its secrets in Hangar 13 to stay independent?
Our jury decided that, with his greying hair but still youthful good looks, Robert Taylor, head of global strategy for asset management at the FCA, simply must be included.
Our final choices, under the “hot banker” choices, now steers away from men to the fair sex. Unlike our Calvanistic Swiss colleagues, we are modern, liberated and not at all sexist. So we surely must include female candidates, as well.
Specifically, our jury voted overwhelming for the jelly-and-custard end of the pulchitrude scale as well as the splendid Newbury constabulary, as follows:
Rakhi Goss-Custard, a Schroders independent non-executive director. She is an experienced executive in digital retailing having spent 11 years at Amazon. She held roles at TomTom and in management consultancy in the US. Rakhi is a non-executive director of Kingfisher, Rightmove, Intu Properties and AIM listed Be Heard.
Rebecca “Blue eyes” Constable, Director – Private Banking and Head of Newbury for Kleinwort Hambros. Those clients who have heard La Constable whisper, ‘Come along quietly, Sir” in their ear have never quite been the same again.
The first correct entry to the question, “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest of all?” will qualify to go into a draw for a date with one of the above, of their choice. Answers please to: firstname.lastname@example.org.